you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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