this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
