halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
