Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Boobs speak an international language.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
