who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
