I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
