I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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