Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
