Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
