I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
