I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
