He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
