Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
