Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
