:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
