"it" just moved
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
