Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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