so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
