sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
