It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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