I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
