Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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