Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
