Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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