you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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