Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
