Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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