The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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