Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
