idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
