Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
