What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
