i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i think my cat just said my name.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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