So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
