Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
