worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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