the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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