Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
