Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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