I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
wow bdsm is so cute
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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