Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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