OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
