she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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