Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
