This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
