I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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