The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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