that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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