so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
