Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
