Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
