clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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