We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
