I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
not ubering you a puppy
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
