would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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