make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
