you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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