Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
