I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
