so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
