totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
