you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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