Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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