When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
