The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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