so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
