Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
