5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
