Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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