five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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