Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
