put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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