So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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