You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
