There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
