i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
