Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
